Dreamers' Songs: Nancy Bevilaqua's Poems

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“Imagine”: A Poem for My Son on the Night Before He Starts College

My life has, over the past few months, changed in some monumental ways. My mother died in early July; we had our issues, but now if feels as if an enormous presence in the world has gone (or, as Springsteen puts it in a song: “I woke up this morning and something big was gone”). I miss her.

And I’ve decided to move back to Hoboken, where I belong. I’m in the process of buying my first home.

Finally, my son, Sandro, is moving into his college dorm tomorrow. Middle school and high school were tempestuous for us both; Sandro weathered so much with grace and dignity and perseverence, and it’s finally time for him to see for himself that, as they say, “It gets better.”

Not that high school didn’t have its (really) high points–it’s where Sandro really started to discover his talents as an actor, a singer, and a guitar and piano player and, more recently, as a composer.

The following poem is one I wrote shortly after I saw him sing a solo at his school’s Spring Chorus Concert. I think that I was about as astonished as I’ve ever been in my life when he began to sing–I’d had no idea what a beautiful voice he had. And the song… Parenting doesn’t get much better than nights like that.

So, as a tribute to my incredibly talented, kind, smart, honest, funny, and so many other things son Sandro, as he heads off into (as he said yesterday) the beginning of the rest of his life, I wanted to post this poem:

Imagine

            (For Alessandro)

 

Wise is the child of disaster.

 

So silent in the mornings now, all day

slow to speak.  He’s been sighing at the way

the world behaves, the human way it’s done.

Crisis in his core of dream: he’s fifteen.

It had to come.  Not that he can hear it now,

 

not from me, but he’s the boy whose infant eyes

of all the neon facets of First Avenue

addressed the patient ghost of moon,

child who saw the silent songs of daffodils

defiant of the snow, the frozen

unrelenting dirt below.  He blooms too, voice

 

a revelation as he sang

Imagine, for three minutes gone,

ascension, glory and misgiving

in an auditorium and all was hushed

and stunned and dark around him

and he didn’t even know.  I would say,

 

if he could hear it, Let it go, let it go.

Take the Les Paul, the daydream drift of mind

that touches everything, prismatic

intellect and young boy’s eyes.  Find God’s voice

in the certain currents of your own,

take your fix of grief, your smarting hands,

 

get to where the strong stars overslip, master

your music, goad with outrageous compassion.

Hit the road.  Misread notes of the indifferent songs

you’ll be told to play, walk offstage,

strive to get the way it’s done

absolutely wrong.

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Hence the Name…

I published this (anonymously, for reasons that may become clear if you use the “Look Inside” feature and read the Introduction) a while back:
http://www.amazon.com/Love-Broken-Bird-World-Dreamers-Songs/dp/1489594884/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1400855327&sr=8-1&keywords=Love+in+the+broken-bird+world

My Poem on Cafe Aphra

My poem “Night Gathering”, which is part of a series of poems entitled Gospel (to be published as a chapbook some time this year), is “Poem of the Month” for May on Cafe Aphra.  Here’s the link:

http://www.cafeaphrapilot.blogspot.co.uk/2014/05/night-gathering.html

The Game He Called “Glide Against the Sky”

 

The Game He Called “Glide Against the Sky”
(from Gospel)

Lust at the edge of nothing. Steps along
the parapet: no future tense, stillness
oceanic. Gravity in black fields
of granite spheres and starry core itself
sucked upward at your skull, your singing

blood, your own core, your fear. Renegade
between your knees to whom you’d whispered,
Esa, I will learn discomfort for you,
borrow from your restless dream, alongside,
guiding, pleased. You found your nature gone

to sea, convalescing memories toys
dropped from dirty fingers. You’d never had
a moment’s faith. No matter. Look up, he said.
Scan the universe for simple signs. There is nothing
to believe, but flowers in their need trust sky.

 

How You Looked (Manhattan VA Hospital, AIDS Unit, Spring, 1990)

 

This is one of the five poems included in my book, Holding Breath: A Memoir of AIDS’ Wildfire Days.

 

How You Looked (Manhattan VA Hospital, AIDS Unit, Spring, 1990)

David, let me wash and cool
your swollen feet while you’re awake
so nothing can get worse, at least
for now, at least not here where we
are so alone, the nurses masked,
reluctant to come in the room.

I’d almost tell you how you looked
asleep, all afternoon,
your body on a boat
losing course, slipping over fish, the sun
a yellow wine that whispered
in my head to let you drift.
I watched your face fall fully
open, saw your sheets come loose
and drop apart, your body a mirage,
your belly hollowed-out and vaporous,
your penis arched and cool
dozing there, flawless in the glare.

The sound is just the rush
of water and a washcloth
in a bowl. Tell me if it feels too hot
or cold. You’ll feel my fingers
run across your toes so thick
I’ll never pass a towel through. Your skin
is breaking up like desert floor,
no longer big enough to hold you in.

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